Negative Emotions Are a Good Thing for Entrepreneurs
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I was reading a post on Instagram the other day that inspired me to write this blog. It’s around the idea that our ‘negative’ emotions such as anger, frustration, disappointment, or defeat make us weak in some capacity or that they aren’t normal feelings to experience during difficult times.
Not to mention how uncomfortable most people feel when others express these emotions. It’s like we want them to stop doing it or we attempt to ‘fix’ the situation.
Raise your hand if you’ve done this?
I’m definitely guilty of doing it. I hate seeing people upset, so I naturally want to help. But I’ve learned people need the space to express themselves without having people run to their rescue. No one needs rescuing.
So without sharing the entire post here, it essentially said, “when my first launch failed, no one showed up to my live training, and no one bought, I could have felt disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, or angry, but I chose not to. I chose to push through and now I’m successful.”
This very well might be true for this person. But, I find it extremely difficult to believe. I don’t know a single entrepreneur who hasn’t felt those emotions at some point along their journey, especially when they experience failure of some sort.
My issue with this type of rhetoric is it paints the picture that feeling disappointed or frustrated is something we want to avoid (or choose not to feel) in order to push through to achieve success. This Instagram post isn’t the first time I’ve seen this type of messaging.
It also portrays that successful people have somehow mastered not feeling this way. This isn’t true. I get frustrated and disappointed all the time with things in my business.
- My computer decides to run an update during one of my live launches
- Not reaching the sales goals I set out for my launch
- Not landing the 1:1 client I wanted to work with
- Being rejected after pitching my writing to publications
- Zoom being glitchy AF on my group coaching calls
These all stir up emotions of frustration, disappointment, or anger. And they aren’t BAD! What makes them ‘bad’ is holding onto them, stuffing them down, or beating yourself up for feeling them. Trying to avoid them is far worse than allowing yourself to experience these emotions.
I’m a firm believer that these emotions are good for entrepreneurs to experience. They are here to teach us things. They aren’t something we want to avoid (or choose not to feel).
Why?
Because they are inner guides for us. They show us where we might need to shift our focus, or change directions. They identify if something is out of alignment for us. They help us tune into our bodies so that we can fully feel what we are supposed to feel, and why.
They aren’t meant to be turned off like a tap. They are meant to flow freely through us. But it’s no surprise that the minute we feel these emotions rising in our body we try to stop them. We’ve been conditioned that feeling them is bad so the minute we sense frustration or anger, we do what we can to turn them off (or choose not to feel them).
But I want to normalize feeling these emotions as being just that – emotions. Neither good nor bad. I want people to stop saying, “Oh, okay, so it’s normal I feel this way.”
Yes, it’s normal to feel this way. You will feel…
- Disappointed
- Discouraged
- Nervous
- Angry
- Frustrated
- Defeated
At various stages of your business. This is normal. ALL successful people feel them too. What makes what they do differently is they allow themselves to feel it, let it flow through them, and listen to what their emotions are telling them about the situation.
They don’t dwell on it or allow it to stop them from moving forward. That is why I want to share four things I do when I start to feel these emotions rising in my body.
1. Slowing My Breath
This is a big one for me because it slows down the rapid, heightened energy in my body that usually is accompanied by emotions of frustration, anger, or disappointment. The slowing of the breath allows me to tune in better to why I am feeling this way and what it’s telling me.
2. Change My Scenery (or Move My Body)
This doesn’t necessarily mean physical activity. For me, it’s shifting the energy or moving the energy. So, if I’m sitting at my computer I’ll get up and walk away for a minute (or few hours). Sometimes I need to do physical activity, meditate, or cook. Find something that works for you to change the scenery even if it’s just a few minutes. This helps clear your mind so that you can come back and express it.
3. Express It
Expressing it is super important. Holding it in or stuffing it down is what causes the pain. And eventually, you’ll explode, unleashing months or years of frustration. So for me, I started practicing expressing it to myself first. I know this sounds silly but I used to get trigger happy and fire off emails or text messages when I was frustrated. But I didn’t find that very effective. So, in moments of frustration or anger, I write it down in a journal or speak it out in my voice notes on my phone. This helps me take it out of my thinking brain where I tend to remunerate. It also gives me an opportunity to express it even if I’ll never share it with anyone else. But speaking it out loud to an empty room really helps me.
4. Get Curious
Once the height of the emotions has passed through me, I start to get curious by asking questions. What is this showing me? Is this a recurring frustration or pattern? How can we change this for next time? How can we improve it? Where do I need to shift my focus or energy? Develop questions that resonate with you. But essentially you want to learn from what these emotions are telling you so that you can make the changes you need to make.
Just remember these feelings are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. And it’s time to stop buying into the belief that successful entrepreneurs have somehow mastered not feeling these emotions. They do! We all do!
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