“Enoughness”: The Truth Behind Why You Never Feel Like You're Enough
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For most of my adult life, I believed my worth was measured by what I achieved, produced, and created.
The degrees.
The accolades.
The job titles.
The promotions.
The success.
Were all things that showed me and others I guess how valuable I was as a person.
How good I was.
How hardworking I was.
How smart I was.
How committed I was.
How determined I was.
Sound familiar?
When I started my online business I never quite felt like I was doing enough. I always questioned if what I was putting out into the world was good enough. And I worried that I didn’t know enough.
I honestly believed I needed more training, and more time to “perfect” my program.
Can you relate?
Well, here’s the thing about “enoughness” and why you never feel like you’re enough or worthy of your dreams. It’s all rooted in your need for outside validation and the lack of self-love.
#truthbomb
Sorry, I gotta keep it real with you. The thing is it wasn’t until a mentor of mine asked me, “What makes you worthy?”
I didn’t even let her finish her words before I started listing all the amazing things I was working on.
When I finished, she responded with, “Really?”
“Yes, as long as I’m contributing to society I am enough, of value, worthy,” I answered without hesitation.
“So, when you were a baby you weren’t worthy?” she asked me back.
After a slow pause, I could see where she was taking this conversation. At that moment, I realized somewhere along the way I’d attached my worth to having to DO things in order to be enough.
But the truth is your worth isn’t measured by how much you DO. You’re worthy right now at this moment without having to DO a single thing.
Worth (aka enoughness) isn’t a badge you earn. It’s something you inherently have the minute you were born.
Shocking...I know!! But it’s the truth. You don’t need to be or do anything to be enough.
If you struggle with never feeling enough, focusing on self-love is a great place to start. That is why I want to share three self-love practices and resources from people I highly adore.
1. DO LESS
When I first stumbled across Kate Northrup’s work around doing less, I honestly cringed a bit. For those of you that know me well, you know how hard it has been for me to slow down and do less. As I mentioned above the more I did, the more worthy I felt. So I used to work around the clock to earn it. So it took me a bit to digest her phenomenal book, Do Less.
But now it’s something I practice all the time, and I can’t believe I used to live any other way!!
2. TAKE MESSY ACTION
I’ve been following the work of Brené Brown for years. I used to read and watch everything she put out. Her book, The Gift of Imperfection, is a must-read. She talks about how perfectionism is just armor protecting us from what we fear (aka what will people think).
I always say it’s the meaning we attach to things that cause the most damage. And it’s true. What meaning are we making for ourselves? And why are we believing it?
If someone judges you (which will happen), why do we allow ourselves to believe it or be harmed by it? Other peoples’ opinions of us are none of our business.
So I always encourage people to take messy action, because striving for perfection is merely your attempt at hiding. As Brené Brown says, “It’s the twenty-ton shield that keeps us from being seen.”
3. TALK NICELY TO YOURSELF
I was floored the first time I heard someone say, “imagine if we spoke to others as we speak to ourselves.” I’m a lot harder on myself than anyone else. In the last two years, I’ve started taking inventory of my self-talk. And every time that nagging voice (aka Janice) starts ranting or saying nasty things I ask her kindly to f*ck off. But more importantly, I get uber curious about where these thoughts are coming from and what is causing them.
It’s actually the work of Byron Katie that’s helped me work through a lot of my limiting beliefs. I used to power through and try to ignore the negative thoughts. But that only worked for a short period of time before they reappeared. And this is what Katie’s work is all about.
It’s not about trying to will them away, it’s about questioning them. Is what you believe true? How are these thoughts serving you?
If this blog resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Another story you might find helpful is a blog I wrote for The Screw the Nine to Five, How ‘CHASING’ The Freedom Lifestyle Will Keep You Broke and Unhappy.
